A model, I am.
When I was 14 years old, I heard on the radio, that there would be a model search for plus size models at a local hotel in Calgary. I made my mom drive me to the search. I remember to this day what I was wearing. I wore long dark-denim flare jeans and a tight-fitting crimson coloured long sleeved shirt with stencil-like floral design on the the wrists. I felt amazing. I knew that I looked good and I knew that I would be noticed from my appearance and my energy. I was right! I met with three scouts and I was picked to stay for the next session. There, for the first time in my life, I saw amazing women stand up and chat about their experiences as an unconventional body types in media, modelling, and society. I was completely inspired by their stories, and I knew that I would like to be a part of this structure in society. After the presentation, I went to the next round of interviews. I felt so excited! I wanted to share my passion about my body image love and I knew I had the "talent" to be a model. After the interviews, I passed the final cut. At the end of the day, I was invited to go to San Francisco to a convention for plus sized models where I would get promo shots done, be able to have training in posing and walking, and I would be able to get an agent. After the day, my mom came to pick me up, and with my heart fluttering I told her about my day. But I quickly realized that I wouldn't be able to go to San Fran to follow this dream of mine because of financial constraints and lack of support. So, I focused on my other talents of writing, drama, math and sciences for the remainder of my school years.
After high school I started researching models and photographers that represented body positivity and unconventional stunning views of people I could look up to. I was very conscious of what media I watched and I digested, not to be forced into hating myself because media said I should. I kept diligent in my self worth and thoughts.
I started collaborating with friends who were photographers. This was my start on playing with concepts, expression, beauty and gaze. It wasn't until I met and worked with my art partner Chena San Martin that I expanded my desires of being a model and an erotic artist. When we worked on my book Love & Cooking, I felt like a magical human! I felt loved. I felt expressed. I felt desired. I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt cherished. This is what a good pairing of photographer and artist/model can do for you. You can feel so vividly alive! I felt honoured to be creating a book/media that other humans could look at and say... "Wow, that looks like me!" When previously they haven't seen their body represented in mass media before.
Since Chena moved back to Mexico almost 4 years ago, I haven't quite found that perfect match to create with photos with. So this year, I started a daily self portrait series of my own called, My Gaze. While I am only on day 92, this project has been so beautiful, intense, inspiring, and nourishing. I am connecting to myself with romance, care, and my tarnished heart. I find this practice, whether I spend 4 mins on a shoot or 2 hours on a shoot per day, I feel like this these are amazing self care moments captured. I feel like my 14 year old self accomplishing my goals, desires and passions. I am confident and I am ready to be a model.
With Intrinsic Love,